Meanwhile the slowly disintegrating, large, decrepit Wotsit’s other eye has just declared that the USA has achieved victory in its illegal war in Iran which is now subject to a two-week ceasefire.

True to form, this isn’t any old victory, it’s not even a Marks and Spencer victory, it is, according to Agent Orange, the most humongous victory achieved by any American president, or by any other human being to have ever inhabited the Earth.

Now, excuse me while I reach for the largest pinch of salt I can find. Because, any sentient being on the planet with just a hint of common sense in their armoury can see that the USA’s latest military escapade into the Middle East has been an unmitigated disaster. Let’s look at the facts.

From the very beginning of the conflict, it was obvious that the USA had been duped into taking on the Iranian regime at the behest of that other deranged combover merchant, Benjamin Netanyahu.

As negotiators from both sides were in Geneva actively discussing ways in which to reach an agreement on Iran’s nuclear programme and avoid escalating hostilities, Trump decided to launch airstrikes on targets across the country.

This was no doubt music to the ears of another dumb-as-fuck comic book character prowling around the halls of the Pentagon; the Secretary of State for War, the malfunctioning alcoholic and former Fox News idiot, Pete Hegseth. Now maybe it’s just me, but if you put “War” in someone’s job title, particularly in the case of this addled fruit loop, something tells me that he would think he was failing in his duty unless he went to war somewhere.

So what was the strategic masterplan which has ultimately led to this unprecedented victory?

Well, first of all, to rid the Iranian people of the tyrannical and despotic regime which has been around for 47 years and to allow the people of Iran to rise up and overthrow it. Okay, the supreme leader, Ayatollah Khamenei was killed early on, but was immediately replaced by his son, a more radical and dangerous leader who now heads the same regime. 1-0 to Iran.

To completely decimate the country’s stockpile of enriched uranium with a view to delaying its attempts to acquire a nuclear bomb. Discussions during the ceasefire are to include Iran’s remaining supply of enriched uranium. 2-0 to Iran.

To ensure safe, unhindered passage for all maritime traffic through one of the most strategically important waterways in the world, the Strait of Hormuz. As soon as America attacked, Iran closed the Strait to almost all traffic sending oil prices rocketing, stock markets tumbling and causing economic chaos across the world. 3-0 to Iran. And there goes the whistle for the half-time ceasefire.

So what can we expect in the second half?

Well, Israel has continued to play on and is in the process of killing hundreds of civilians in Lebanon which it suggests was not included in the ceasefire agreement. This is disputed by the Pakistani Government who are leading on negotiations.

It’s likely, given widespread aversion to the conflict across America and Trump’s deteriorating popularity, that support for Israel’s unrelenting crusade in the region will rapidly disappear. If so, Netanyahu is toast.

Iran has stated that ships can pass through the Strait of Hormuz unhindered, but that oil tankers will need to pay two million dollars to pass through with the money being used as reparation for damage caused to the country by the conflict.

Trump (and the world) can’t afford another closure of the Strait so it’s likely that everyone will have to stump up.

If it hasn’t already happened, Hegseth will be fired and replaced by someone with a brain which hasn’t been destroyed by vodka and the rambling, quasi-religious fever dreams which seem to dictate his every move.

I really hope that the Iranian people can recover from all of this and take strength from the fact that they have resisted all attempts to defeat them yet again. But it has to be acknowledged that it is a bittersweet victory. They are still living under a tyrannical religious regime which has no doubt been emboldened by its defiance in the face of attacks from the largest military in the world.

It’s time that the world finally realised that to ensure their freedom from that religious tyranny and oppression will take brains not bombs.